Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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