im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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