doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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