Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
