the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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