just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
