Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
