and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
