Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
