I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
