I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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