good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
