and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
