I wish I could teleport
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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