I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
