Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
