He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
