Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
