It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
