I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
wanna go halves on a baby?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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