I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
