Cold hands, warm shart.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
