Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
