Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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