i think my mom watched the whole time
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
