I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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