im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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