Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize