Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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