i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
