why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
