Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
