2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
