from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He felt like a one man threesome
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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