I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
