i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
