So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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