So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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