You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
