You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
