Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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