at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
