So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
