I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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