Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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