Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
