So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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