White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
