i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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