I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
