Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
