He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Mom said you looked used
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
