dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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