She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
