you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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