I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
