Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize