I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
