Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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