So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
