I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
