my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
