i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
its liver damage thursday
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