i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
