No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
do herpes really smell.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
