HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
