i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize