I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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