They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
