Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
cat food counts as protein by the way
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
